Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Red Blue Exclusive: An Imaginary Conversation With Dick Cheney

Today the New York Times reports that there is "No End to Questions in Cheney Hunting Accident." There's even a multi-media graphic showing a timeline of how the news trickled down after the accident, which has been referred to menacingly in some reports as "The shooting," which it technically is, but that seems to overshadow the fact that it really was an accident.

Don't get me wrong. Like lots of folks, I have plenty of beefs with Cheney. But is there really no end to the questions about his hunting accident?

How many questions are there to ask about this, really? In this imaginary conversation with the Vice President – a Red Blue exclusive – I asked all of the questions I could think of...

"Did you intend to shoot the old geezer?"
"No."

"Did you see him there?"
"No."

"Would you have still pulled the trigger if you had known he was there?"
"Hmm... no."

"Will you be more careful next time?"
"Yes."

"Did you hit any of the birds you were intending to kill?"
"Yes."

"What did you do with those birds?"
"Roasted them and ate them."

"Was there any birdshot in your meal?"
"A little."

"What did that taste like?"
"Sort of metallic."

"Would you reccomend that American citizens add birdshot to other foods?"
"I would not."

"Are you aware of the fact that Jay Leno will be making fun of you for several nights because of this incident?"
"I suspect he will."

"Did you tell Mr. Whittington that you're very sorry?"
"Yes."

"Why didn't you call a press conference immediately after the incident?"
"Well, it's kind of embarrassing."

After that I ran out of questions. But I'm sure the real press will think of more.

PLG